February 18th, 2010 – Slide (This is why I don’t sing)
- February 18th, 2010
- By admin
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Ok this is why I don’t sing. Although this was recorded on October 21st, 2008 Read more
Posts Tagged ‘horrible’
Ok this is why I don’t sing. Although this was recorded on October 21st, 2008 Read more
The question of course being, where have you been?
You know that feeling you get when you wake up from passing out on the couch all night or falling asleep in the car on a long trip. That feeling of pain that shoots down your neck, or back, or anywhere really? I’m sure you’ve said it before or heard someone say it: I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.
Well I’m here to tell you today, that feeling that you claim feels like you’ve been hit by a bus, isn’t anywhere close to the real pain associated with being hit by a bus. You look around slightly confused for a moment and say: Paul, where you hit by a bus?
Some of us are slower than others, so I felt it necessary to spell it out for you very, very slowly.
So, anyways, I was laying there staring up at the clouds in the sky and the adrenaline was slowly leaving my body and I could feel all of the gravel poking into my back but I simply couldn’t move. The pain was excruciating and the overweight bus driver who was missing her bottom 2 teeth stood over me yelling “Are you OK? This is all your fault you dumb ass” and as the final spray of her spit landed on my face I tried to reach up to wipe it off but it hurt to bad. She turned away and yelled “Get your asses back on the bus” I’m assuming to the kids that were peaking around to see if I was dead or not.
I just laid there, pissed at the whole situation, the bus was still running and all I could think about was: Why couldn’t it be a hot bus driver? Why am I laying here while this fat bitch calls me a dumb ass? Damn I need a cigarette.
Finally after 20 or so minutes I heard a siren and I could hear the gravel clanking in the wheel wells as the truck stopped. Nope not an ambulance, a first responder who luckily cleared the bitch of a driver out of the way and started checking all my vitals. He said it would be another 5 to 8 minutes before the ambulance arrived. I finally said “smoke” and he looked at me confused for a moment and said ‘Oh you want a cigarette?” and I mumbled yes in a way that I couldn’t even understand what I had said but he understood. He asked if I had any on me and I mumbled again and he started patting down my jeans looking for them. He reached in my pockets and pulled out the pack and as he opened the top of the box they were all crushed to the point that none of them would be smokable.
Enraged by this I tried to get up but he held me down. I wanted to get up and slap the rest of the bitches teeth out of her head. “Hitting me with a bus wasn’t enough? You had to break all my cigarettes in the process?!?” I’d yell, if I only had the strength.
I got lost in my thoughts because there was absolutely nothing for me to do. I thought to myself, why oh why didn’t I pay attention to the Pride the dog video that Ms. Brinkley the crazed half lesbian PE teacher showed us year after year. Fucking dogs.
For those of you that are confused here is the video, its quite lengthy.
That’s the story. Its all I really feel like doing right now. Its time to take another pain med and wait for my body to heal my fractured arm, 4 broken ribs, dislocated shoulder and possible ruptured disc. The moral of the story is: Don’t say “I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus”, because I promise, getting hit by a bus is far worse. Also, Stay away from the danger zone.
Dictated, Not Read by: Paulstream’s mother…how sad is that
-Paul Sexton aka paulstream
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